she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
