Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
