how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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