I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
