Three words: puerto rican gang bang
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
