Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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