so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
