tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize