her vagina looked like bernie madoff
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
