jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
