You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
