I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
