Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
