If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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