Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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