I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
