Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
