I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
