Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
