Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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