the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
