shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
