The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
