remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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