FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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