its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize