dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
