drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
