Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
