You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
