So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
