woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
