I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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