I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
