He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
