Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
