at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She made me pour olive oil on her.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize