I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
