totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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