Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
