i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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