just tell him i said nine months
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
