We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
