My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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