Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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