Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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