So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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