We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
