WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
