I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
