but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
