You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We are all done wearing pants today
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
