i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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