She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
and she was petting her beer can
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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