holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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