Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
