Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
