Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
