I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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