Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
