Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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