My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize