oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize