Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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