none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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