i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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