New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
