Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
