It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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