I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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