im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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