I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
