I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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